Quin Woodward Pu is my Sister


This is not a John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt situation.

To all the acquaintances, former teachers and 4chan posters who have written to ask: Yes! Quin Woodward Pu is my little sister.


We share the same genetic makeup, last name and upbringing.

Sidenote: One time our family received a form letter attempting to advertise an ancestry book. It was clearly a mail-merge special, in which bolded parts represent the variable elements that some computer program filled in. It read:

“Dear Pu Family,

Great news! We would like to send you our comprehensive book about all the people with the last name Pu in the world. Our research shows you are in good company – there are about 1 out of 900,000 people who share your name!”

There aren’t a lot of people in this Pu sandwich. And to my knowledge, there aren’t any other Woodward Pu gals besides Quin, our older sister and me … though I’m holding out for one of the 1-in-1,800,000 Pu men of the world to marry a Woodward woman soon!

I won’t blow up Quin’s spot by attempting to explain, justify or contextualize her behavior. And she doesn’t need me to come to her defense or correct anything that’s out there for her.

She’s always been a firebrand. Here’s where I could list off a CV of her positive traits and acts, but frankly, that’s totally peripheral to the story and also would be pandering. Either you know her and have formed an opinion or you don’t and have also formed an opinion – it’s your prerogative.

Quin and I are close in age. My parents always try to pit us against each other to push us. Now is no different.

My mom on the phone this morning: “See, this is why I worry you won’t make it. You have to PROMOTE YOURSELF! I just saw a GIF where they put Quin’s head on the body of Glenn Close in ‘Fatal Attraction.’ Why aren’t there any GIFs of you?”

And one last thing: As you may notice, in this family we like to use big words. It’s fun! We seek out new words and concepts all the time, just so we can throw ‘em out when the tailor-made, specific situation arises. In the interest of that … will someone explain who or what a fiver is?


Date: September 27th, 2013 2:40 PM
Author: hella_theo_2 (untsss-untsss music with no words)

The sister has a weird fiver hologram thing going on. She is alternately white or ethnic looking and cute or homely.


Quin just called to explain that a “fiver hologram” is a “5/10” person who looks better or worse based on the changing light. I was sure it was a Watership Down reference.


Mom calls to ask, “How come Quin deduced what a fiver hologram is but you didn’t?” in 3 … 2 ….

The original Kardashians.

The original Kardashians.

3 comments to “Quin Woodward Pu is my Sister”
  1. One of two things is happening here: You are pretending that you don’t know that your sister is the most hated person on the internet right now, or you’re trying to capitalize off of the viral blog post that helped reveal her mental illness. I hope that as a trusted family member you encourage her to seek out the mental health care that she needs so that she avoids further self-destructive behavior. I do not say that out of vitriol or spite, but rather because her situation makes me sad, especially because she is not coming to grips with the fact that she messed up. It’s one thing to make a mistake, it’s an entirely different thing to not acknowledge that mistake.

    • Right? Very well said…

      Either these girls’ parents did an AWFUL job of raising them, or something happened to them along the way. I read this entire post waiting for a point, to no avail..

      You guys are really messed up. How shameless are you to want to capitalize off something like that? And being family, why would you even want to?

      Ugh.. what a repulsive, repulsive, disillusioned family.. Gross.

      • Monie,

        Thanks for reading and thank you for your comment. You are entitled to your own opinion–and in the spirit of ecumenicism, I’m usually not one to censor. Were those extreme adjectives (and the implication of suppressed trauma) warranted? All I was doing here was defending my sister, whom I care for deeply. I’ve had the privilege of understanding her motives, habits and intentions for the past few decades, and I wanted to take the chance to vouch for her. I’m afraid the funhouse mirror of virality hasn’t afforded her the same consideration, and I felt protective.

        I invite you to explore both my blog (with plenty of stories about Quin’s and my childhood!) and the inciting incident a little deeper. I have confidence that in doing so you’ll see that my family is, at the very least, a tight-knit, hard-working and decent bunch.

        Thanks for stopping by!

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