Hello! I am looking lovingly at my wedding photos right now (expected duration of activity: till they close the lid on my coffin). These aren’t even my professionally done ones; they’re merely the ones I snapped on my phone during the day or ones that our dear guests were kind enough to share with us (thank you!). What images to cull and write about?
As I’ve noted, there were many DIY and “Made in China” elements to the wedding. In fact, anything that I wasn’t required to execute to a certain standard was probably DIY (e.g., day-of coordinator: our venue contract required that we retain the services of a professional for, at a minimum, the entirety of our wedding ceremony and reception. Want to guess whether we required her services for a minute longer than the contracted requirement? Side note — our coordinator Misha was a lovely person and a fabulous wrangler; I cast no aspersions on her talent or necessity! I am just unimaginably cheap and simultaneously deluded about my ability to be everywhere at once. Dangerous combo.).
Let’s look at what was arguably my first real wedding purchase: My first (of 3 total!) wedding dress.
I bought my first wedding dress before I got engaged. This first one was bought speculatively at the fantastic — but unfortunately erstwhile — Back Room of Loehmanns Beverly Hills. This was referenced in our New York Times article. Why did I do this? Because it was pretty, it seemed like a good deal, and I vehemently reject certain elements of relationship dissembling. What, I’m supposed to wait till I’m engaged to go wedding dress shopping? But what if the store I’m in is having a going-out-of-business sale?
It was a floor-length slimline Sue Wong Nocture gown (style 69701) with ostrich feather skirt and beaded sweetheart bodies.
And it was size 0.
I include the size not for vanity, but to say: This garment was absurdly microscopic. Inhumanly infinitesimal! Doll small! I couldn’t zip it when I bought it; at no point could I hitch the clasp; and to this day it sits on me with a big open mouth like a treacherous crevasse. As you may know, bridal sizing is notoriously “real” with you — whereas 90% of the entire known world can fit into what Old Navy calls “size XXS” … a woman with Taylor Swift’s body fat percentage is probably wearing a bridal size 10. (I am exaggerating on both counts, obviously … but not by much.)
The extent of this first dress’ life has been: sitting in our closet under protective plastic, and then serving as my costume for the Save the Date video we made:
And now you know why I never turn to show my left profile in the video! (Because the dress zipper’s on that side and it’s gaping down to my hip socket. Hollywood camera tricks, baby!)
This dress still has tags on it and I doubt I’m going to go through with the rib removal surgery that would make it finally zippable. So, prepubescent brides of the world … make me an offer!
Next I will discuss something more interesting — how I sourced the two Chinese-made, couture wedding dresses that I wore at my wedding!