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adventures of a half-chinese yalie in hollywood

Horse v. Hyundai: A Brief Account of my Hoopties

Horse v. Hyundai: A Brief Account of my Hoopties

I drive a modest car. Actually, “modest” is a modest word for how understated the round, white, tiny wagon is. In a bid to distract people with catchy alliteration, I call it my Humble Hyundai Hatchback Hoopty (HHHH). That, or its other nickname, “Egg.”

Her?
Her?

Due to a hereditary combination of fear, frugality and asceticism, I’m used to living cheaply. My parents aren’t Quakers, but they definitely believe that it’s a gift to be simple (and a gift to be free, like the samples at Costco. Who says there’s no such thing as a free lunch?). I never felt self-conscious about HHHH, but lately little events make me reconsider. To wit:

1. A few years ago, my boyfriend bought a nice car. Sure, Seductively Sybaritic Sensible Sedans (SSSS) have their benefits, including top safety ratings, fun bells & whistles and the not-to-be-overlooked halo coolness derived from riding shotgun. (Cue Rick Ross’ “Aston Martin Music”! A song which, coincidentally, I feature on 2 of the custom CD-Rs in HHHH, but which has never been played over the satellite radio in the SSSS.) But now, whenever we have occasion to park HHHH & SSSS near each other – such as in our tandem-spot garage – the contrast is a bit uncomfortable. It’s like if you saw Fred Flintstone’s podiatrically powered pick-up vehicle alongside a … well, any other type of post-Model T car. Car-nitive dissonance.

2. On the past season of Mad Men, I noticed that Betty Draper’s car had power windows. In the 1960s! Meanwhile, my car, bought new in the 2000s, has power-your-own windows. And locks. And the alarm system is unreliable. (Alarm system = yelling “Hands off the Egg!” if I ever were to witness a theft attempt.) I have it on good authority that any theoretical Egg purloin attempts would be classified under the unique category Petite Theft Auto. And the act would be tax-deductible under the little-known category “Charitable Taking.”

What is the criminal code for this one?
What is the criminal code for this one?

Pebble Beach, that Camelot-by-Carmel, gave me a chance to trade HHHH for some new jalopies. First: A Lexus GS.

Our resort had a deal whereby guests could take a 2-hour unaccompanied "test drive" in a brand-new Lexus. As the registrar peered at my driver's license, I put on my best "my other car is JUST like this one!" face.
Our resort had a deal whereby guests could take a 2-hour unaccompanied “test drive” in a brand-new Lexus. As the registrar peered at my driver’s license, I put on my best “my other car is JUST like this one!” face.
Moments before I fired up Kanye's "Touch the Sky" on CD-R and poetically soared over the cliff as he does in the video.
Moments before I fired up Kanye’s “Touch the Sky” on CD-R and poetically soared over the cliff as he does in the video.
From one borrowed luxury vehicle ...
From one borrowed luxury vehicle …
... to the next.
… to the next.

Our last big activity of the trip was a horseback ride. Now, I’m a big over-thinker and I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe the horse didn’t want to be carrying me and my post-continental breakfast bod. Nevertheless, I endeavored to bond with my appropriately named horse, Queenie. (I just realized “Queenie” almost anagrams to “Equine.” I appreciate her name even more!) Equineenie, if you’re out there reading this blog, thanks for schlepping me around without incident. Thank you for not Chris Reeve-ing me when I took the saddle selfies.

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One of the aforesaid non-paralytic auto-photo incidents. Fairly graceful, no?
One of the aforesaid non-paralytic auto-photo incidents. Fairly graceful, no?
One other person had signed up to do the horse ride with Deepak and me. I hope she didn't feel she was crashing the double date (couples: me & Queenie, Deepak & his horse Reba).
One other person had signed up to do the horse ride with Deepak and me. I hope she didn’t feel she was crashing the double date (couples: me & Queenie, Deepak & his horse Reba).
A little awkward-er. Queenie is probably getting annoyed.
A little awkward-er. Queenie is probably getting annoyed.
Queenie whispered her hair secrets to me during a calm moment.
Queenie whispered her hair secrets to me during a calm moment.

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Poor things had to clomp onto the beach. We all know how tiring sand-walking is!
Poor things had to clomp onto the beach. We all know how tiring sand-walking is!
Too bad our knowledgeable guide, who rode in the front, was not part of the double date OR the fifth wheel. Because I was perfectly positioned to get photos of her.
Too bad our knowledgeable guide, who rode in the front, was not part of the double date OR the fifth wheel. Because I was perfectly positioned to get photos of her.

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Our double date, commemorated.
Our double date, commemorated.
We'll always have Pebble.
We’ll always have Pebble.
Ditto.
Ditto.

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Her hoopty has more horsepower than my Hyundai.
Her hoopty has more horsepower than my Hyundai.
Am I imagining, or does he look irked? I mean the horse.
Am I imagining, or does he look irked? I mean the horse.
Now who's the 3rd wheel? (Trick question: I am, because my Queenie has stomped off after our ride to go update her blog.)
Now who’s the 3rd wheel? (Trick question: I am, because my Queenie has stomped off after our ride to go update her blog.)
Back on terra firma. Newly bowed legs not shown.
Back on terra firma. Newly bowed legs not shown.

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