Have you bought yourself a Perfect Polly yet? No? A-parrot-ly, they “are so lifelike, only you will know it’s not real!”
While I wait for the veritable menagerie I ordered to arrive in the mail, I thought I’d recount my sister’s recent visit.
My older sister Yee is close to me in age – we’re just about 17 months apart. She’s an ER doctor in Texas. Her travel plans didn’t overlap with mine during our family beach vacation this year. So this past August, Yee and her boyfriend Jonathan opted to pay a special visit to L.A. to check out our new-ish digs and to teach us about Perfect Polly.
Upon looking up YouTube videos and researching Polly, I’ve learned that “she” has been a phenomenon for over a year. So forgive me if you a) have tired of Polly’s perfection, b) are reading this from under a stack of Pollys.
While this post addresses Yee’s visit and the intra-L.A. adventures we had during her visit, I had to promote Polly. Because as often happens with sibling shorthand, the odd cadences of her eerie chirps perseverated and became the go-to inside joke/soundtrack of the trip.
Step 1: Don all relevant parrot-phernalia. Here is Wooden Polly (Pollywood?) scrutinizing the mustard selection at sausage shop Wurstküche.
If you’re wondering where you can get cheap & plentiful parrot-phernalia — all you need is a yard sale-loving grandmother with a keen eye for wacky jewelry and a disinclination for paying more than a nickel for birdwear (“avianecklaces”™).
We took a trip up the coast to Jonathan’s alma mater. Jonathan boosted the school’s endowment by cleaning out the gift shop. Sadly, despite his pleas, this bear was passed over.
There’s been a mistake. I asked for “water from the tap,” not “freaky fish from a nightmare.”
Infamous overpriced Malibu Country Mart lunch in which Yee “pulled a Hammy” (i.e., broke out a Hamilton at the cash register).
Met up with old friend
Special Pepperdine branded Dasani water®: $7.00
One of 2 appearances in calendar decade 2010-2020 at a club
Yee does not share our low club appearance rate, however.
We ordered a ton at A-Frame. Including all-you-can-eat chicken, 20 minutes before lunch service closed. Quick, pull out the emergency colostomy pouch for furtive food sneaking!
Quoth Fabolous: “Just throw it in the bag …”
The laundry bin bore her name.
My hair is flat like the late September ocean.
My expression is flat like the sodas they brought us at A-Frame after lunch service had been concluded.
I never sausage a thing as spiced alligator …
Fine, we’ll take it.
Harkening back to the idyllic games of youth, Yee steals Jonathan’s nose.
Do I resemble this jester statue or do I just look like a real-life joker?
On-campus cell berating session
Egg is ready to play some basketball.
I’ll choose to see the washed out quality/lack of focus as representation of divinity?
This at least removes the “drive a truck through us” posing of the former pic.
I seem to have a problem posing close to people?
There we go.
*smash* *Deepak careens into street*
During a covert op in which Yee and I conference called someone and pretended we weren’t in close proximity, in service of an overly complicated con that hinged on Yee pretending she was still in Texas.
This photo gives the lie to that ruse. Fly back in soon, Polly!