Where were we in this warped chronology? Oh yes! My boyfriend’s Big Birthday. The home festivities went well, and my celebration palpitation was kicked down the road for another year.
In the event, though, Deepak had an idea. People kept asking if he (did they mean me?) would be throwing a blowout party for the milestone. Thankfully, he didn’t like the plan, and figured the graceful way to bow out of a blowout was to leave town.
But you can’t just drive to Palm Springs or Las Vegas or something. That’s not far enough away. Such a half-measure 1) runs the risk of not successfully deterring well-meaning well-wishers, and 2) elicits the disappointing, “Oh … that’s it?” face from people asking what exotic place you plan to escape to for this “once in a lifetime” event.
A plan was hatched.
One minute, we were eating this. (Note: said “minute” occurred after our champagne/paella/pineapple upside down cake dinner, after which Deepak claimed to gain a scale-verified 4 lbs.)
After visiting in August and lodging with/dining with us, my sister Yee joked about Deepak and my “sporadic solid food splurge days.”
Oh, who am I kidding; we were also eating this. (Probably explains the 4 lbs.)
So we made this relatively easy jump.
The LAX night …
… became Hawaiian mid-afternoon light.
Let the binging commence. Seeing foods like this — the kind you don’t see at home — makes the splurging seem justified, even responsible.
You know that saying, “When in Rome …”?
The little-known Hawaiian completion of the expression is, “eat enough to make you the size of a home.”
Shine bright like a Diamond (Head).
Our mochi addiction — usually dormant — flared up wildly.
We were the latest victims of a very successful takoyaki promotion campaign at this place inside Ala Moana Mall. Basically, they played a loud, manic video on loop that featured absolutely ecstatic diners of all ages and appearances screaming “TAKOYAKI!” as though they were experiencing a perseveration episode. Fine, we figured, we would try a bowl. ¡¡¡TAKOYAKI!!!
TAKO TUESDAY
Girrrl, shake that dehydrated fish shaker.
In the immortal words of Ursula, “The Little Mermaid”:
“We haven’t discussed the subject of payment. I’m not asking much. Just a token, really, a trifle. What I want from you is … YOUR VOICE.”
You can have this entire tableau, for 4 easy payments of EVERYTHING YOU HAVE.
Not to overdo the YouTube embeds, but Ursula is hilarious and Ariel is … pornographically proportioned.
I can’t believe Thomas the Tank Engine has endured, lo these many decades. Is Ringo still Mr. Conductor??
“SEND IT BACK,” the boy bellowed gravely.
And finally — anyone who’s dined with Deepak and me can attest to the Alphonse and Gaston-like ballet that we do with food. Basically, we order some child-sized demi-portion, then divvy it and dissect the moiety so severely that basically neither of us eats anything and we repair back home to eat our usual broccoli smoothie. (Aren’t you clearing your calendar immediately in the hopes of scheduling a meal with us?) Awkward for all involved, but quite calorie-economical for us.
Well, I knew Deepak meant business when, at our dedicated Honolulu birthday dinner, he solemnly warned me pre-meal: “Whatever I order, you’ll get none. Plan accordingly.” This was the result, not shared:
“Do what you want, what you want with my body.” — this poor snapper
Luckily, turnabout is fair play.
