What the People Want: Search Engine Optimizing for Beyoncé

Let’s continue down our list of popularly searched Beyoncé-related queries. Query 241: “beyonce i’m a single lady.” I’m being pedantic, but it amuses me that people are singing this slightly incorrect lyric from her iconic song. It puts me in mind of a quaint self-help/confessional book that, in some parallel universe, Queen Bey has penned.

Then there’s the instant classic “beyonce pizza” (#254). No doubt inspired by the pizza-printed cardigan Beyoncé wore after her recent master move of announcing a 22-day veganism stint. Did I say stint? The better vowel is “u,” actually, because this stunt brought us a blitz of pre-album free papa-blicity (new term: the cheap publicity and exposure that comes from being followed around by paparazzi all the time and subsequently, having your visage constantly shoved in the public’s face via breathless Daily Mail articles). Again, I’ve let you down by leading you into here, and not some other site:

From here

From everywhere, mostly Tumblr.

The most mesmerizing of all! (Again, not my work, sadly.)

At 255: “beyonce portrait photography.” Her next collabo:

Then, #256 is “beyonce punish me.” Wait, that’s a lyric from “Rocket” (one of the songs off the album she released less than a week ago) and it’s already in the top 300 search terms of this site? What about more me-centric queries, like “how come violet on orange doesn’t have a tv show yet” or “how can I dress like violet on orange, she so cool”?

On the random and befuddling side, we have query #270, “beyonce white background.” Here you go.

Also in that category, #519, “george clooney and beyonce.” (Where did this come from?)

I can’t give any more publicity to “Gay-orgeous George.” I just don’t like the cut of his jib.

Then there’s the simple but effective “illuminate beyonce.” Again, I’m sure these searchers are looking for something related to the Illuminati and Beyoncé’s “devil ring.” But the solecism turns it into an imperative. I picture someone stranger grabbing Beyonce and screaming “illuminate!” like Dorothy grabbing inanimate objects and screaming “Oz!” in “Return to Oz.”