Subscribe to Violet on Orange

Hi, Violet on Orange reader! Thanks for visiting. Want to get updates via email? Just click subscribe, and I'll let you know every time there's a new post. That's it!

adventures of a half-chinese yalie in hollywood

Floating Along in 0 Gravid-y: My Non-Pregnancy Announcement

Floating Along in 0 Gravid-y: My Non-Pregnancy Announcement

In my last post, I mused how unprepared I felt for the tidal wave of birth, baby and early b-day (the notorious 1st birthday party!) gatherings that mark mid-young adulthood.

My friend Chris pointed out that I was giving a false impression of this:

Beyoncé, "tryna make a 3 from that 2 (he still the 1)."
Beyoncé, “tryna make a 3 from that 2 (he still the 1).”

But let me level with you, Violet on Orange Faithful, we are still at this point:

Our generation's Zapruder film: Exhibit A (for "Actually Not Pregnant") of what future generations will dub "The Memory Foam Pregnancy."
Our generation’s Zapruder film: Exhibit A (for “Actually Not Pregnant”) of what future generations will dub The Memory Foam Pregnancy.

Get what I mean? (Deepak certainly doesn’t. Every time I show him the GIF above, he claims the lighting is off and that it proves nothing!) Here, made plain, a very talented and gimlet-eyed artist‘s rendering.

Caught! I know, this is very brutal and mean. Didn't I mention my troubled relationship with her?
Caught! I know, this is very brutal and mean. Didn’t I mention my troubled relationship with her?
Pulling no punches here. I'll consider my infinitesimal chances at getting an invite to Bey and Jay's private Bahamian island well and truly extinguished.
Pulling no punches here. I’ll consider our infinitesimal chances of getting an invite to Bey and Jay’s private Bahamian island to be as well and truly extinguished as these votives.

Conclusion: I’m floating along in zero gravid-y. Not pregnant!

What Ever Happened to Baby Jain?™ I'm not sure, but I did do a little back-of-the-envelope Punnett square up top. Spoiler alert: she (or he) will not have Bette Davis eyes.
What Ever Happened to Baby Jain?™ I’m not sure, but I did do a little back-of-the-envelope Punnett square up top. Spoiler alert: she (or he) will not have Bette Davis eyes.

For now, we’ll use these adorable baby wellies to hold petty cash, not progeny.

2013-12-26 17.29.45



1 thought on “Floating Along in 0 Gravid-y: My Non-Pregnancy Announcement”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload the CAPTCHA.